The Evening Speaks
by Morganabel
Summary: From time to time, everyone has thoughts about "what might have been". They're living it. A different approach to Keg! Max! and the events that follow it.
1. Sex Jess!

**Title: **The Evening Speaks 

**Chapter: **Sex! Jess!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything to do with _Gilmore Girls_, or Our Lady Peace's _4 AM_.

**Summary: **From time to time, everyone has thoughts about "what might have been". They're living it. A different approach to Keg! Max! and the events that follow it.

**Dedications:** To Kait, who was the inspiration behind the madness. To Kat, who pushed for it. To Angel, for being the best beta ever. And, finally, to Sweet for writing the summary.

* I walked around my good intentions/ 

_And found that there were none._

He wasn't sure what a first time should be like. It had been so long since Jess Mariano's first less than stellar sexual experience that he didn't remember his expectations- if he had any- of the act. Even then, he had viewed it as just sex. And it must be different for boys and girls, and since Rory Gilmore was most definitely a girl, he feared he had disappointed her. He had disappointed himself. Jess couldn't remember feeling like that in such a long time, but that's what happens when you didn't set any expectations for yourself.

Not that the sex itself had been disappointing. He had found the release he had needed so desperately since things had started to crack and crumble around him. If he had been back in New York, he would have rationalized the entire episode as a good thing. After all, he had found his release with his girlfriend rather than some random girl in an alleyway. But he was not in New York, and Rory was no ordinary girl.

Which was probably why he was almost exactly as she had found him when she had entered the room. Except now he sat in the middle of the bed, in just his jeans, staring at the wall. The biggest difference was that he was feeling more settled than he had. Sex relaxed him in a way that nothing else could. Which was odd considering the turmoil whirling through his mind at present. His relationship was further proof that he was just as he had always been. Jess never thought further than trying to achieve the goal. He had flirted and fought his way to Rory. But now that he had her- what should he do with her?

Rory wouldn't allow him to just float through their relationship like he had in the past. No, she had to have expectations of him, like wanting him to get along with her mother, and meet her grand parents. Jess couldn't remember the last time anyone had expectations of him. Luke didn't count, since he was always willing to change and adjust his to fit the both of them better. It made life all that much more harmonious. 

Jess looked over at the window as the blue and red lights of the police sirens disappeared into the night. They had arrived twenty minutes earlier, and that's when Rory seemed to break out of whatever it was that let her allow him to even touch her, and scrambled to leave. She had encouraged him to do the same, but he just sat there. She had had that deer in headlight look to her. She didn't say anything about what had just occurred. Choosing to focus more on the safer panic of a police raid. She had tugged and pulled, and he told her to go. He'd be fine. Finally, her fear of getting caught by the police overtook her fear of him being caught by the police, and she had fled. 

He had no fear of getting caught. Jess had lived through enough police raided events to know that up here, tucked away in a locked room, there was no threat of being caught. The police were far too busy wrangling up the drunk and disorderly to care about the half naked guy who had just gotten laid. 

Jess pulled his shirt back on, tugged his shoes on, grabbed his jacket and walked out the door. It was easy to be calm when one simply didn't care anymore.

*

            He was putting on his jacket as he rounded the corner when Rory stepped out of the shadows. Jess had been about to be surprised that she had waited for him, but he noticed that they were by Kim's Antiques. Lane. Of course. It would be unforgivable if he kept walking, right? He sighed; even he knew it would be. So he stopped. And they stared at each other. 

            Rory cleared her throat as she looked away uncomfortably. "So, what…what happened?"

            Jess shrugged, "The police came. They went. Made a few arrests. All in all, your normal episode of _Cops_."

            "But you didn't…"

            "No, I didn't." 

            "That's…good." 

            His eyes were trained on the crack in the sidewalk. Anything to avoid looking at her face, in her eyes. If he did, it'd only tell him one thing. He hadn't done the right thing. He had done the selfish time. After her first time, she shouldn't be running from the police. They should still be abed, and it should be her bed, or his or even a hotel's. Not some random bed in the house of a random classmate. 

            But here they were, and it was over. They were standing on a sidewalk with the smell of beer, smoke and vomit whirling around them. Wearing clothes that had been put on hastily, so they weren't exactly fixed on them the same way they had been at the beginning of the evening. Or maybe his imagination was going into overtime. And all he could see was sex. A huge stain everywhere. He needed to be somewhere else. Anywhere else. 

            "Yeah." Jess said it because he felt like he had to say _something_. 

            Rory opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something, but then once more she closed it and her lips pursed like they did when she was annoyed with herself. Then her mouth opened again, and closed. It was annoying to him because it just brought his attention to her mouth. And that was a bad thing after this day. Very bad, indeed. 

            But he felt his hands move up to cup her face, and his lips brushed hers. Once. Twice. And then he kissed her. He kissed her because she was his. And she was good, sweet and everything a person should be. He kissed her because after she slept on it, she'd realize that he was everything anyone had ever told her that he was. But most of all he kissed her because he needed her. He hated that he needed her, but he needed her all the same. And he only stopped kissing her because he was gasping for breath. 

            Her cornflower blue eyes were widened with curiosity and confusion by the time he opened his again. She had so many questions, and he hadn't a clue as to what the answers should be.  But he should at least try to act like he should. 

            "Do you need…" Jess's voice tripped on the words.   
  


            Rory shook her head, and he was relieved that she could read the question he was asking. "No, I can get home fine."

            "Good night," he took a deep breath.

            "Good night, Jess," Rory returned, the corners of her lips warbling into a small smile. 

            On impulse, he leaned forward and brushed his lips across her forehead before turning around and walking away.

            "Jess?" She called out.

            "Yeah?" He turned around, and took his steps backwards. 

            Rory looked hesitant, but ended up asking, "Where are you going?"

            "Home," he shrugged. "Where else would I be going?"

            "I don't know," her reply was in a whisper, and he didn't think he was supposed to hear it. So Jess just turned around and left.

*

            He had lied to her. Even as Rory had been asking the question, Jess knew he'd lie to her. Never mind the fact that it wasn't necessary for him to lie. He wasn't doing any thing more wrong than not notifying his guardian where he was, but he lied because if he had told her, she'd want to go with him. She was involved in that way. 

            Jess sank down so that he was sitting on the bridge as he put a cigarette in his mouth. It had been so long since he had smoked one, it practically felt like he had quit since he started dating Rory. He couldn't smoke when he was with her, and he couldn't smoke in the apartment.  It left very little time to do it. 

            He stared into his reflection until smoke clouded the image, distorting it. But that was okay, it was better that way. Almost everything was better that way. 

**To Be Continued…**


	2. Little White Lies

**Title: **The Evening Speaks 

**Chapter: **Little White Lies

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything to do with _Gilmore Girls_, or Good Charlotte's _Hey Dad_.

**Summary: **From time to time, everyone has thoughts about "what might have been". They're living it. A different approach to Keg! Max! and the events that follow it.

**Dedications:** My normal elite force, Kait, Kat, Elise, Sweet, Marissa and Roxy.

* How can you be a father/ 

_You're not even a man._

            Jimmy Mariano wasn't sure what brought him here. Well, he _knew_ what physically brought him here. First there had been a plane ticket to New York, several cabs throughout New York, and then finally a rental car here. Stars Hollow, Connecticut. More specifically, Luke's Diner (formerly William's Hardware, the Danes men weren't exactly known for their creativity). It had been so long since he had been here, not that here was anywhere special. He had been there only once before, and that's because Liz had begged him for a ride down for her father's funeral. But this was where his…Jess was. Jess was here.

            He had tried not to think about the child he had left behind. It would have been easy to forget Liz; she was just a girl after all. One of dozens in his lifetime. But then she gave birth, and he had to cradle that life in his arms. Then the child had a name. His last name. It was the name that got to him. It wasn't real without a name. But then it had stared him in the face in big, black ink. Jess James Mariano. He had a son. And then he couldn't breathe. Oh, he had tried. Man, how he had tried. But it was almost as if with every breath of Jess's tiny lungs, it was sucking Jimmy's own out. He was suffocating. He had begun to convince himself that maybe he just needed to be alone, get some air (not fresh, however, since this was in New York), and clear his head. So he had muttered something about picking up some diapers, and he was out of there. He believed he had the intention of doing just that, but now he saw it for what it was. An escape route. Jimmy had picked up diapers, several different types since he was unsure of what kind of diapers you were supposed to get for a new born. But once he was back in his car, he drove. And he drove, and he drove. He kept telling himself that he'd turn around and go back to his and Liz's apartment. He just needed more time to think. However, once he passed that state line into New Jersey, the freedom felt too good to give up.

            He had that car for another thirteen years, and he had never taken the diapers out of the trunk. He never opened the trunk. It was better to keep it locked up, in the dark. As if there was nothing in there.

            His first fight with Sasha had been about Jess, in a way at least. She had finally convinced him to get a new (well, a new used) car, since that one was way past its limit. They had been cleaning it out when she told him she was going to open up the trunk to clear that out. Jimmy hadn't thought anything of it, since he had pushed Jess and Liz so far back into his mind that he had almost convinced himself that it had happened to somebody else.

            But it hadn't, and Sasha had pulled the whole story out of him within an hour. Then the most amazing thing happened. She didn't condemn him. She didn't agree with what he had done, but she didn't denounce him as the biggest asshole in the universe either. She understood why he had done it and told him she'd be there if he ever decided to do anything about Jess. Which meant, in that strange woman language, that he had to do something. It was then he realized that he loved her. And he'd been working hard at becoming something ever since. Something she could love and be proud of, like he loved (and was proud of) her.

            Maybe he was here because Sasha would love him no matter what he did. Her love was unconditional like that. Maybe he needed to prove to himself that he had become something through the approval of the person least likely to give it. The son he had abandoned.

            Jimmy hadn't thought much of what he would do on this little trip. Maybe just see Jess as a way to warm up to…whatever he was trying to do. Perhaps he could just gage what kind of person Jess was. If he were kind and forgiving, maybe he'd get the balls to approach him. But if he was angry and unsettled…well, he wasn't sure what he'd do then. He didn't think he could handle the guilt of having a screwed up kid and knowing it was his entirely fault.

What he hadn't counted on, and he probably should have, was Luke. The last thing he needed or wanted was to get Luke involved. If Luke got involved, everything would be taken out of his hands. Either Luke would kick him out of town or make him confront Jess. Neither option was very appealing at the moment. So his head was buried in a menu, and luckily it was not Luke that was refilling his coffee. 

Every few moments or so, he'd peak out from his menu and look around. There wasn't anyone around him that really screamed 'Jess', but then again he didn't know what he was looking for. Was he tall? Was he small? Did he talk in rhymes? Did he look like him? Jimmy squirmed at the thought. He wasn't sure what exactly 'screamed' Jess to him. 

"Jess!" Jimmy started at Luke's harsh greeting as the door shut. 

"Luke!" Came a mocking voice. 

Jimmy didn't dare to look, but still he brought the menu back up in front of his face, turned his head and saw…Liz. Or at least what Liz would have looked like had she been eighteen and male. That was his son. Huh. 

There was the sound of a coffee pot being slammed down on the counter- the diner had gone completely quiet when Jess had entered, the town was weird like that- and Luke's footsteps as he walked over. He didn't have to walk that far since Jess had already been crossing the diner floor. 

"Where the," Luke's voice lowered to a whispered hiss, but it didn't matter since it was so quiet in the diner, you could hear a pin drop, "hell have you been?" 

Jess didn't even pause. "Around." 

"Around?" His tone dripped in disbelief. 

"Yes," Jess tilted his head to the side as if he were considering it. "Around." 

Luke opened his mouth to say something more, but Jess had stepped around him and was currently climbing the stairs. So his mouth closed, and he started to turn around. But then he paused. Blue on blue, he caught Jimmy's eye and froze. The diner had returned to normal, now that Jess was gone, they thought they were free from drama. If only they knew. But the stunned moment was broken, and Jimmy bolted out of the diner before Luke could react. 

*

Jess was going through shirts in the closet when Luke came slamming in. And by slamming in, he slammed the door open, and then slammed the door shut. Jess didn't look over at him, just kept sorting through his shirts. Luke, however, had the presence of a rather pissed off man. It was better to let him speak first.   
  


  
"Where did you go after the party, Jess?" 

"I walked Rory home," Jess answered simply, frowning at the shirts. "Have you seen my Tool shirt?" 

Luke ignored the question, "It took you over six hours to walk Rory home?" 

"We took _really_ small steps." 

"You don't need to…" Luke shook his head, hating how soapy he was about to sound. Time to rephrase. "I know what you were doing last night." Lame. But lame was still better than soapy. 

Jess's posture immediately grew defensive as he turned around. "And what was that, Luke?" 

He stood, arms akimbo. "With your father." 

Well, that was certainly not what he was expecting. Far from it. "My…father?" The word sounded strange and foreign on his tongue. He wondered if he had ever spoken that word before. 

Luke took one look at Jess's stilled form and knew he had made a mistake. A terrible mistake. Maybe he could backtrack this one. "What were you doing?" 

"Are you on drugs?" Jess asked, wondering if his uncle was the crazy one, or if he was suffering from temporary insanity due to sleep deprivation. "'Cause you're sounding like you are." 

He took a try at innocence. "What do you mean?" Okay, so he sucked at innocence. 

"No, what do you mean by my…" Jess's voice tripped over that word, so he started over. "What do you mean?" 

Okay, time to lie. Little white lies were meant to protect people. "Liz called…mentioned something about…" he continued on, mumbling incoherently. Hopefully Jess would buy it. 

"You're lying." Gee, that kid was smart. Too smart sometimes. 

"No, I'm not," Luke denied, dismissively. 

"Liz never calls," Jess countered flatly. 

Well, he had him there. It would be rather stupid to continue on with this charade. "I could be mistaken." 

"Mistaken about what?" Jess grounded out. Now really was not the time for his uncle to be obtuse. He was guilt ridden and sleep deprived, not to mention confused. It wasn't a good mix, and adding this into the mix was not the brightest idea ever. 

"I saw…" Luke stopped and corrected himself, even though he knew damn well it was Jimmy that he saw. He had never had that strong an urge to bang someone's head into the wall around anyone else, and he doubted that he ever would. "I think I saw your father earlier." 

"Huh," Jess managed to squeak out. "My…Where'd you see…think you saw Jimmy?" 

Luke blinked at Jess's use of Jimmy's name. But then again, he shouldn't be surprised. Liz had probably mentioned it at sometime or another. "The diner." 

"The diner," he repeated dumbly. "He's in town?" 

"He was. Knowing Jimmy, he's probably not any longer." Luke hadn't missed the look of sheer terror in Jimmy's eyes before he bolted. If Jimmy was still Jimmy, and Luke would bet good money that he was, he'd be taking the first exit out of there. 

"Huh," was all he said before turning around and leaving the apartment. 

Luke just stood there, dumbfounded, wondering how things had changed so quickly. And how they had ended up here. And wondering if he should go after Jess or let him go off on his own. 

If Jess didn't want to be found, then he wouldn't be found. So it was easier to just let him go. 

* 

There was no hiding in Stars Hollow. It was something Jess had learned within the first fifteen minutes of being here. If you wanted to find someone, all you had to do was listen. Just walking outside of the diners, down the street, he had heard Miss Patty talking about the fine new man who was staying at the Cheshire Cat but had remained rather reclusive in his room during most of his stay. Not a lot of new people came into Stars Hollow on a daily basis (and those who did certainly did not stay in their rooms the entire time, they went out and did happy tourist things), so that's why he was standing outside room 118 in the Cheshire Cat. 

He was not Jennifer Love Hewitt, and he was certainly not on the set of _Time of Your Life_, so there was really no reason why he couldn't just simply knock on the door, see the man that sired him. Then walk away. Like Jimmy had done. 

While Jess had wanted a distraction from his Rory troubles, this was not at all what he had in mind. But his hand still found its way up to rap sharply on the door. 

After a few moments, Jimmy answered the door. He stood there for a stunned moment before saying, "Jess." 

"Jimmy." He was surprisingly calm about this. 

"So, uh," Jimmy leaned against the doorframe, and his blue eyes focused on the carpet. "Luke told you I was here, huh?"

  
            "Well, you know how those sort things have a way of slipping up in conversations," Jess shrugged like it didn't matter. It probably didn't. Nothing but a freak slip up of conscience. 

"Yeah, I can see that," Jimmy nodded like he really could see. But they both knew it was a lie because there wasn't anything actually to see. He shifted and hesitated. "Do you want to come in?" 

"No, that's okay." He wasn't sure what brought him to the door, but whatever it was, wasn't enough to bring him inside that room. 

"You, uh, like halls?" 

Jess looked right, then left, and then at Jimmy. "They're okay." 

"The carpet is really," Jimmy's foot dug into the carpet. "Clean." 

"So it is." 

"It shows good…work ethic that they keep it so clean," he commented awkwardly, his eyes fixating on the carpet he had been praising so much. 

"Rumor is cockroaches are bad for business." 

"Yeah, I think I heard that one." 

"I'm going to go," the words came out of his mouth slightly forced and hurried, but he had to go. Leave. Get out. Drive somewhere. Far away. 

"Okay then." 

Jess walked away, sleep was proving to be impossible. But at this rate it was rather unneeded. Sleep would only bring in the demons he was fighting so hard to keep out.

**To Be Continued…**


	3. Those Are Condoms, Cinderella

Title: The Evening Speaks 

**Chapter: **Those Are Condoms, Cinderella

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything to do with _Gilmore Girls_, or Something Corporate _Hurricane_. Or Shakespeare and Twain.

**Summary: **From time to time, everyone has thoughts about "what might have been". They're living it. A different approach to Keg! Max! and the events that follow it.

**Dedications:** Elise, for being the most awesome beta ever. For Lauren, the most awesome almost-roommate ever. For Kat, cause she's just the best girl I know. And Kait, for being Kait, and being so cool ;)

*

_I think I'm on the edge/  
Of something new with you/  
Shout out don't drown the sound/  
I'll drown you out/  
You'll never scream so loud/  
As I want to scream with you._

            The breakfast and four cups of coffee she had set up had probably been overkill. If they weren't, then the Bangles CD Rory had put in definitely was. But she had never told her mother anything like this before, and she had _promised_ to tell her mother should the event occur (technically before the event, but that had been quite impossible since she hadn't really known the event was going to occur until it was occurring, and at the time she hadn't exactly been thinking of her mother). So if she was going to do it, it was better to keep the caffeine and food flowing to at least keep her mother in a semblance of a good mood. Hopefully good enough so she wouldn't grab an umbrella and beat Jess with it. Maybe she was over reacting. She _hoped_ she was over reacting.

            Lorelai came down the stairs and into the kitchen, and she rubbed her eyes. "Is it my birthday?" 

            Rory shook her head, "No."

            "Am I still dreaming?" Her mother asked, eyeing the plates of Luke's Diner food and cups of coffee set up.

            "No."

            Lorelai gasped, "You killed someone!"  
  


            "Again, no," Rory fidgeted; there was really no easy way to go about this. Except, of course, to wait until her mother had at least had a sip of coffee. 

            "Sweetie, you have to tell Mommy what you did wrong," Lorelai told her as she sat down in front of the food. "So I can know whether or not Luke's food will forever be tainted."

            "I didn't do anything wrong," Rory hedged, sitting down in a chair, and pushing her own breakfast around with a fork. 

            "Okay then," Lorelai scooped up a forkful of eggs.

            "Just…at the party last night…."

            "The cop raided one?" Her mother interrupted. 

            "That one," she pushed her eggs on top of her pancakes. "Well, you said you wanted to know…"

            "About the cop raided party?" Lorelai interrupted again, "of course, it sounds exciting. Did they book you, Danno?"

            "No, it's not about the party," and then she inwardly winced. It was about the party, but not _about_ the party.

            Her fork stopped midway on its trip to her mouth. "Okay, you're losing me here, Rory."

            "I mean, you said you wanted to know if…" Rory's voice trailed off, and she forced a shrug. "If me…a-and Jess…."

            Lorelai's fork dropped to her plate, and she pushed herself away from the table and stood up. "Oh my God, Luke's food is tainted."

            She forced herself to breathe, "What?"

            "You bought me Luke's food, so you could tell me…" Her mother's hands rested on her hips, as if she was trying to manipulate the situation at hand to mean something different. "I mean, you and Jess had sex. That's what you're trying to tell me, right?"

            As much as she hated to break her mother's last beacon of hope, but she nodded. "You said you wanted to know if…we, if I had sex. Right?"

            "Yes, I said that," Lorelai blinked. "So you guys had sex…at a keg party. You had sex at a keg party?" 

            Rory inwardly cringed as nodded again.

            "I'm going to kill him."

            Rory reached out and grabbed her mother's hand, and pulled her back to the chair. "Please don't. I wanted…"

            Lorelai sighed, and trying to grasp hold of the situation, and not react like her mother. She never thought it'd be this much of a struggle. "You…used something, didn't you? Please tell me you used something."

            "He had a condom," her face flushed seriously as she used the word. "On him."  
  


            "Oh. So he goes around carrying a condom on him?" Her nails were digging into the palm of her hand. 

            "Please don't be mad," Rory pleaded quietly.

            "I'm not mad," Lorelai pulled her daughter to her, hugging her. "You're just growing up faster than I'd like."

            "I tried to freeze time," she offered. "It didn't work."

            She reluctantly let Rory go, "Too bad. Looks like we'll have to make an appointment with the doctor."

            Rory looked confused, "Why?"

            "You're eighteen, and…" Lorelai winced as she said the next words. "Sexually active. A gynecologist is sort of a must after that. For birth control pills and…condoms, because, no offense, I'm not trusting Jess in that department."

            She hadn't thought about…future endeavors. "Oh, I don't think we're… I mean, I hadn't thought of…"

            Lorelai had to laugh at that, she didn't mean to or want to but sometimes her daughter was so…naïve. Too bad she wasn't that way always. "Sweetie, did I forget to have the talk where sex isn't a one time thing?"

            Rory wasn't sure how to explain exactly what had gone on. Or, actually what was going on with Jess. "Jess acted weird afterwards."  
  
            "Weird? As in I've got to get a shotgun out weird or a wow, he grew a new head kind of weird?"

            "He wasn't a jerk afterwards, he offered to walk me home and kissed me and all," she bit her lip, still unsure of how to explain. "I mean, he was acting weird beforehand too. Something's going on with him."

            "You didn't," Lorelai put a hand on her daughter's shoulder, "it wasn't because he was acting weird and you felt the need to, uh, comfort…"

            Rory shook her head vehemently, more than she met to, and her face flushed red once more. "No! I mean…"

            "Never mind, I understand." Unfortunately, she did. Lorelai stood up and kissed the top of her daughter's head. She walked up back towards her room. Maybe if she went to sleep, this would all prove to be a dream. 

*

            It had been two days, Jess thought as the basketball swooshed through the net, since the party. One day since his father had made an appearance. And almost three days since he had had any sleep. He probably looked like shit, he'd know for sure if he had bothered to look in a mirror at all. Some things were better off not knowing. He looked off to the side to see Dave looking worse off than he did. A crooked tie, hair all messed up, and a look of total wonder and confusion on his face. He spotted Jess and walked over. 

            Dave leaned against the Basketball pole. "Mrs. Kim reads Shakespeare. Did you know Mrs. Kim reads Shakespeare?"

            "Most people do," Jess pointed out, as he aimed and shot again.

            "'Let never day nor night unhallow'd pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done'," Dave quoted, with a bewildered shake of his head. 

            "Henry VI?" 

            That seemed to snap Dave out of his daze, "You knew that?"

            "Yeah," the ball bounced off the rim, and he let it roll off the court. "Like I said before, most read Shakespeare."

            "Next time someone quotes something to me," Dave walked away from the pole and onto the court. "I'm going straight to you first, instead of spending the entire night, reading the bible."

            "Aren't you trying to get on Mrs. Kim's good side?" Jess asked, wiping his brow with the sleeve of his shirt, and walking towards the hoop, where Dave was still standing.

            "Yeah," Dave paused, obviously confused. "Why?"

            "Well, it's just said that, reading the bible is the cure for Christianity," Jess shrugged. "Somehow I think becoming a devout atheist won't help your suit any." 

            Dave blinked, "Really?" He watched as Jess walked passed him. "They say that?"

            Jess turned around and walked backwards. "It's by Mark Twain. Just so you're not pulling another all nighter." He smirked, turned around and was gone.

            Huh, looked like Jess Mariano was more useful to have around than people realized.

To Be Continued… 


End file.
